AMANDA: I was in a relationship with this guy for about three good years. Everything was alright, there were no quarrels or fights, and we used to talk hey. I even got introduced to his family.
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But all of a sudden he has gone completely quiet. It’s about three months now and if I call to ask what’s going on, he just makes one word answers – “Nope…nah…yes…nothing…”
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It hurts because I truly love this guy. Sometimes I ask myself “why does love have to hurt?”
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He also owes me money, about US$100. My friend is suggesting that I should call him and ask for my money. The truth is I just want to let it go, because I don’t want a reason to keep calling him. What should I do?
Hi Amanda:) You are asking “Why does love have to hurt?” and I would like to tell you Love doesn’t hurt. It’s being ignored that hurts. It’s being rejected, unwanted and cheated that hurts.
Otherwise, love doesn’t hurt; in fact, love builds us, wipes our tears and makes us face the world with a smile again.
As for this guy I’m sorry he is ignoring you, making you feel alone and unwanted, and rejecting you.
I really would have liked him to man up, stand firmly, and give you a good reason why he is taking back his love even though you come this far together.
But maybe he is so quiet because he knows none of his reasons are good ones.
I know you truly love this guy, and you hope he will come back to his senses. But if he still behaves like this for the next three months, then set yourself free to move on with somebody else.
Even if he returns today, if his reasons are not strong enough to take away your fear of him leaving again, then feel free to move on with someone else.
True love can never die, but it can walk away till it finds a home in a homely heart.
-MOFFAT MACHINGURA
The love you have for him can never die, but it can be given to someone else who won’t make you feel bad for giving it. All the Best!
As for the money… to be honest, except if it’s really a lot of money, at break up I just advise you to both let everything go.
Most times the boy says I want all the clothes I bought and the girl says I want all the money I helped you with.
Yet the truth is all of this wouldn’t have been demanded if the relationship had worked.
So we don’t normally ask back our things because we need them, but simply because we are hurt at what has happened to us and we feel like hurting back in a subtle way.
This break up is teaching you an “eye for an eye” mindset that will prove totally unhealthy especially in the next relationship you will get into.
Vengeful people hardly succeed in their next relationships either. There is nothing in a dead relationship that you need to carry into the next one.
Learn to let go with dignity. Your dignity is still worth far more than anything you have lost. Just let it go.
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