TATENDA: Three years ago I was dating this 22 year old girl, Vanessa, who I loved so much. But her love dwindled. Vanessa started ignoring my calls and messages.
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She became so cocky and raised arguments every time I tried talking about our future. Later on I found out she was going out with another guy.
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I asked her, “Why?” and she said the fact that we were dating didn’t mean we were married, she wanted to explore other people too. It broke me. I was serious with life, but she still treated it like a game. I decided to move on.
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It’s now three years later and God has blessed me with an amazing new girlfriend. But Vanessa recently started calling. She says she wants us back together.
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I told her I moved on, but she is saying she won’t rest – no matter what, I’m the man who is supposed to marry her and she won’t let any woman take that place. Please tell me, is this love?
Hi Tatenda. Many times people forget the proper reason for dating. Dating is not for gaining a status symbol, and it is the most dangerous place to come looking for fun.
The dating arena doesn’t provide insurance for the errors that happen when you are experimenting with everyone you meet, neither is there insurance for all the tripping and falling that happens when you saying you are exploring.
This is because dating is NOT for experimenting or exploring.
Explorers are wanderers; they have no destination in mind. Dating is for people who have a destination called marriage in their minds. Dating is for finding someone to settle down with.
If you don’t know the purpose of dating, you will meet good people and turn them down. It’s because you have no idea it’s actually because of those people that you are in the dating arena in the first place. That is exactly what Vanessa did.
Vanessa got caught up in the dating arena, and got carried away with professional date-lane kids. Date-lane kids are dating professionals.
They have rehearsed the sweetest words to say, they know the best presents to buy, and the most romantic restaurants to dine in.
They know this because they have been in the dating arena for long and they are actually there to stay. The sex that is meant for marriage, they want it while still dating; it’s because in their lives they have no real aim of going as far as marriage.
While you are trying to drive the relationship towards a Courtship Café, they will be actually pulling it towards the Heartbreak Café. You believe in loving and living with someone, but they believe in loving and leaving.
They loved Vanessa and left her. Now she is stranded and left behind in the dating arena, at a time when most settle-down boys like you have come and gone.
All I can say is congratulations you didn’t get caught up in the Date-lanes and when you were driven to the Heartbreak Café you refused to stay there.
Now beware of past relationships because they can draw you back there again. And Vanessa is one of those people with the capacity to get you back.
She is asking you to break your current girlfriend’s heart and be with her because that is exactly what her last heartbreaks have made her become – she is now a heartbreaker.
Be very frank with her. Tell her the words of that Dolly Parton song, “once upon a time you were the girl of my dreams. I was so into you but you walked away. But I have met someone now and she has turned all my dreams around. I have a new girl in my dreams and she is taking all the love that you threw away.”
I’m sure the girl of your dreams wasn’t a girl you dreamt leaving you. The fact that this one left shows she is not the woman you always prayed for.
And the fact that she is still asking you to leave your girlfriend right now to be with her, shows her definition of love still has “leaving” in it. True love doesn’t know “leave.”
It doesn’t matter how sweet the fling you once had was, I just want you to know in life some people are worth losing. Don’t lose “what is” for “what used to be.”
Stick to the person who knows how to stick with you for the sake of you – rather than draw yourself back to be with a person who only sticks with you because he/she hates to see you happy with somebody else.
Goodbye Vanessa! Goodbye Heartbreak Café!
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