If your virginity wasn’t important you would have been born without it.
-MOFFAT MACHINGURA
Whether you are a man or woman, virginity is important. Men must maintain themselves as virgins just as much as women. You are the head of the house, what example are you setting?
Set an example of purity in your life! Sleeping around doesn’t make you a man, it only shows that you are weaker than your feelings…
There are some people who deny the importance of virginity. Usually, it’s those who lost it who deny its importance.
When you lose something you call it a nothing so that you won’t feel like you lost anything. You get defensive.
Sadly, denial and being defensive worsens your problems in life. Soon your son/daughter will need this advice and if you don’t admit the truth, you will endanger their lives with lies just because you want to defend yourself for your youthful failures.
I don’t mean to hurt you for what you did, but if you keep believing a lie you will keep living a lie. That the virginity you lost was unimportant was a big lie and here is why…
i. Sex outside marriage is wastage…
When you lose your virginity before marriage sex becomes a simple thing. But when you lose your virginity in marriage, sex becomes special.
It becomes a symbol of your commitment to each other rather than a meaningless activity.
Fornication devalues sex but marriage adds value to sex.
You will never understand the true value of sex till you WAIT for it and do it with the right person at the right time.
If you do it any time before that – it won’t feel special to you. You will look at everyone who is waiting and even ask yourself “What’s the fuss with this entire WAITING thing?”
You can try to run away from these words but you can’t hide.
Sex outside lifetime commitment loses meaning.
ii. Virginity is Character
Virginity, in both men and women, shows strength of character. It shows that you are stronger than the pressures from the society around you.
It shows patience.
Virginity shows that you control your feelings rather than let your feelings control you.
iii. Virginity comes once
You can make more money and you can have another wedding party – but virginity is only once. Preserve it for someone who means a lot to you and above all, whom you mean a lot to.
You know you mean a lot to someone if that person commits to standing by you for a lifetime; for better for worse; in good times and bad times; in sickness and in health.
In other words, you know someone is committed to you when they marry you. Everything else is just talk.
iv. Virginity Shows Discipline
Respect the man and woman who preserve their virginity. It shows they respect marriage and are willing to sacrifice far more than we think…
It is easier to trust a person who was still a virgin when you married – because if he/she could be faithful to himself/herself before you had even come – then it is most likely that person can still remain faithful to you even when you are not watching.
My Story…
When I was at high school, one of my teachers advised me,
“When you get to college and some boys mock you for being a virgin tell them – ‘I can be like you but you can’t be like me’ ”
I went through college. My confession is – unlike most guys – I was that guy whom girls saw once and asked my classmates for my phone number. I was that guy whose photos some girls would place on their social media profiles just to demotivate their admirers. Yes I was that guy whom some girls offered sex, and some texted saying “you are hot!” Of all the trials of my life, the test of my virginity was the one that demanded most of my character.
It was easy for me to do it but I didn’t do it. It’s because I knew my virginity wasn’t mine. It was for the woman who was suitable enough to share the rest of my life, and dedicated enough to make that commitment.
I found that woman. I found her waiting. She also found me waiting. Our honeymoon night was our first night. It remains one of the most beautiful accomplishments we made in our days of singleness and our four years of dating. There is always a joy, trust, respect and self-confidence that comes from knowing you did something right. I want you to feel that joy and walk in it.
NB: If you have already lost your virginity. I have a solution for you. Keep reading on…
v. Virginity is a Symbol of Integrity
In life your integrity will be tested by money, by the loss of precious people, by fame – but the greatest test of your integrity will be sexual in nature.
Sex with just anybody makes you feel like you are losing the virginity. But sex with your lifetime partner feels more like you are finding something rather than losing something.
You won’t be giving anything that you are not getting back.
vi. Virginity tells your partner “You have always been special.”
Your virginity is not yours. It belongs to your partner who is yet to come.
Even in a conference or music concert, we reserve seats for people that are special. Virginity comes once therefore it’s meant to be reserved for the person you regard most special.
Reserving your virginity for your partner, is the best statement to say, “You have always been special to me even before I met you.”
What if I’ve already lost my virginity?
If you have lost your virginity first you have to forgive yourself.
You didn’t think it was important then because you had never considered what you have learnt now. Besides, very few parents teach us about sex these days…
The next thing you have to do is WAITING. The real value of sex is found in a genuine and secure commitment called marriage. WAIT for marriage…
If you meet a partner who is still a virgin, don’t hide your past. Don’t even let your partner be the first to ask.
The moment you feel like this relationship is going somewhere make sometime and tell your partner,
“Look, I have a past, but it’s really in the past. Something happened because I didn’t have the same knowledge that has preserved you this far.
But when it happened, there is a day I decided it won’t keep happening. I stopped and I said I’m WAITING for marriage because this only deserves marriage.
“I love you truly but I do have a past. If your love for me can forgive my past then it would have found someone who truly loves and values it back.”
If you are the first to say it, your past can strengthen the relationship rather than weaken it.
One year of WAITING is good enough to tell your partner, “You can trust me.”
If you and your partner were already sexually active – make time and tell each other “Honey, let’s make a decision to WAIT. Sex means more if we wait.”
Or just share this book with your partner, then when he/she is done simply say “If what we share is really true love, then it can WAIT.” You will always be proud you both decided to wait.
Remember…
True love waits. 🙂
But lust can’t wait to get.
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