LEAH: Is there a specific reason to why men cheat?
Hi Leah, firstly I want to correct something. Studies show that 60% of men and 45% of women will cheat at some point in their marriages. That shows: not all men cheat and not only men cheat.
There are many men who don’t cheat. Out of about three billion men in this world, 1.2 Billion of them don’t cheat. I pray your love life will be planted in the arms of one of them…
Not believing good men exist only makes it harder to find them :).
So its best to ask: Why do SOME men cheat? instead of simply asking why men cheat.
There are many reasons…
i. Sometimes a man never thinks of cheating, until an opportunity presents itself
– and without properly considering how it can affect his relationship – he grabs the opportunity!
Suddenly he realizes he is caught in a web of secrets – he starts to justify himself “Anyway I wasn’t satisfied…”
Of course the justification seems valid – but the truth is it doesn’t matter how much sleeping around you do or women you talk to, you will never be satisfied.
Love is not about satisfaction, it’s about contentment.
Ask men who Don’t Cheat and they will tell you,
“If you want to build anything in life, you will always have distractions.
There will always be pretty women out there, but if you think bringing another beautiful woman in your life will bring any beauty to your life – You are wrong.”
ii. Some men cheat out of anger or desire to revenge.
He is angry at what she said to him, or the way she behaves.
(Or angry he didn’t find her a virgin – this is more common than we think).
Then he cheats as a way to get back at her. These are the men who cheat and show.
The vengeful cheat will come home whenever he wants – that is if he comes at all – and he can even call his lover in front of his real partner.
Since emotional pain hurts far more than physical pain – it can be said that the vengeful cheat is one of the most abusive partners one can ever find or stick to.
If you are that kind of man know that bitterness is every man’s greatest weakness in every marriage or love relationship.
Vengeful cheating feels like strength yet it is a sign that the weakness of bitterness is overpowering you.
The first time you loved that girl you meant it and you know it. Just like you, she wasn’t perfect and she will never be.
If you keep obeying your bitterness then it will steal from you the good man you wished you would be towards her.
More than just losing her, the worst thing is you will lose yourself!
Revenge will never make you feel like you are a better man – never!
iii. There are men who cheat in search of what is called Limerence.
Limerence is being obsessed or infatuated with another person. It is that sweet connection you felt in your first days. The days when looking into each other’s eyes perturbed the butterflies in your stomachs and set them flying free.
The first time you kissed it wasn’t your lips that kissed but your souls – it felt so strong because you were still in the season of limerence.
However, limerence decreases with time. It may only remain as a flickering flame in your hearts, as romance gives way to a new deeper and stronger bond of commitment.
It is in those times that a man can feel like “Love is gone” when in actual fact the Love is grown.
Disillusioned, he goes for another girl in pursuit of limerance, not knowing what he is leaving behind is stronger than all he could ever find.
iv. Like I said, men cheat for different reasons
He can cheat because he wants a break up. He can cheat to make his partner pull out, or cheat to find somewhere to land on when he walks away from his current partner.
Some cheat simply out of selfishness. Some people think about themselves and themselves alone.
To Men: If it’s not working fix it. If you can’t fix it, drop it don’t cheat it.
If it’s not working you feel frustrated, and I understand it’s difficult to respect a person who frustrates you. But you just have to be a man, gather up courage and say
“I’m sorry we have to go separate ways. I thought it would work, but this is not working for me.
I am not seeing anyone, and I’m going to be single for quite a long time while I bring my thoughts together.”
It will hurt, but not more than the pain she will feel if you cheat.
Next Question…
