OLIVIA: Why do we develop crushes on other people and they never notice?
Hi Olivia. A crush is one of the most painful, yet at the same time, sweetest feelings you will ever have in life.
You just find yourself comparing him with every guy in your life, in your past and in your street – and like a knight in shining armour – your crush outshines them all…
You also realize something you never thought you had – your stalker instincts! You keep viewing his profile picture, you stare at him on social media and whether it’s school or workplace your eyes keep digging him up in the crowd.
The thought of him stepping into your life totally overwhelms you to an extent that you feel helpless. You can’t even say Hi 🙂 ….
Your friend tells you there is nothing to lose if you just step forward like a go-getter and ask if he is “up to anything special this weekend?” So you try it…
He says he is free…
You ask if he could come over and help you with some assignment – he comes over but from the way your conversation is going it’s clear he thinks all you want is to be just friends.
In your head, you are like “Am I the one who is leading myself into his friend zone? Why can’t he notice me?”
Let me tell you why he doesn’t notice. A crush is this intense attraction you have towards a guy even though you don’t have a relationship with him.
In college, girls would crush for a captain of the football team or a popular students’ president. They crushed because his social status meant a lot to them.
Some girls crush because they idolize and idealize a guy – they believe he is perfect, or he is a genius or that he is superhuman at some level.
I remember one girl who (upon reading most of the wisdom I share through my books) told me, “You must be a god or something…”
I struggled to make her believe I didn’t fall from the sky like Hercules and I’m also NOT from the future like the Terminator. Those were the most unbelievable news of her life!
Unfortunately, even after she said that it never crossed my mind she was crushing… if she had never confessed it, I wouldn’t have known.
The reason a guy doesn’t notice is because a crush is chemistry happening totally in you.
Or sometimes he has chemistry for you but doesn’t believe you have chemistry for him too.
Also, if he has interests in someone else, he can get blind to how any other girl feels toward him.
Reduce the Distance
What makes him fail to notice you could be that distance you keep placing in between the two of you.
You just got to be a go-getter, step forward and give him a friendly “Hi.” No one says no to a “Hi” 🙂
Don’t be too close and don’t be too distant either. Show him you are approachable but never let it show that you want him to approach you.
If you are already friends, casually brushing against him or holding onto his arm in a conversation can get his mind out of the friend zone for a little while.
Ruth had to sleep before Boaz’s feet to give him love ideas – that means she had to act in a way that showed she wanted a love relationship.
Though this technique doesn’t apply every time, there are times when it’s only this technique that applies.
However, don’t tell him you like him, and make sure your actions stay very subtle. Boys find it hard to stay loyal to a relationship they don’t believe to have initiated on their own.
The goal is to make him believe you are an amazing simple girl he could go far with in life. Don’t focus on making him love you, just focus on being an amazing person.
By the way boys have a weakness for girls who first come as friends – perhaps you could try that avenue :). All the best.
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