ARIA: When is the right time to say “I’m done” with a relationship?
Hi Aria. The answer I’m giving you strictly relates to a dating/courtship relationship and not marriage. You know it’s time to quit a relationship when…
i) When you are only giving but are never given.
The Spice Girls once sang,
“If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give, Taking is too easy…”
You know it’s time to quit a relationship when you are the only one giving.
Be able to admit if you have been turned into a bottomless well that keeps supplying money, time, phone calls, forgiveness and good morning messages.
The worst loneliness in life is the one you feel when you wholeheartedly love someone who never makes an effort to love you back. Give yourself permission to let go and walk away.
If receiving is all that you want in a relationship then go date Santa Claus – otherwise a love relationship is a two way street, where give and take should always be found together.
Love where you are loved.
Remember to care for them that care for you; you are taken for granted if you care carelessly.
ii) When You’re Fighting Over Everything
Every relationship has quarrels. Jean Racine even said “the quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love.”
However, too much quarrelling is like an acid that turns the rivers of love into bitter waters.
If your disagreements exceed your agreements over life’s most important issues it could be a sign that you don’t see eye to eye. If you can’t see eye to eye then you can’t walk arm in arm – no, not for long.
iii) You Can’t Picture a Future Together
Do you imagine him being a role model to your son? Do you think if you had to find a mother for your daughter you would choose her?
If you answered no, then it means the partner in your present has no place in your future.
Except if your future has no family in it.
I refer you to the chapter The Big Five that Help You Choose Right in this book. You will learn the five areas of compatibility that are important for every lasting relationship.
iv) If you have broken up more than once before
A relationship that breaks up and mends up has high chances of breaking up again.
It is good to break up once and get back together, however, anything beyond that is usually a set up for a series of break ups.
This is because, though we get back together for the loneliness that we felt when we were apart, we often overlook that loneliness never means we can live together.
If you keep breaking up with a person, it shows your reasons for breaking up are more valid than your reasons for being together.
– MOFFAT MACHINGURA
Except if it was because of distance, never break up with the same person twice and still look back, it’s time to move on.
v) If your partner cheats and you’re finding it hard to forgive
When your partner cheats and comes back to say “I’m sorry” everybody will tell you to forgive him. Forgiveness helps you more than it helps the person who cheated on you.
However, if deep inside, your heart keeps saying…
“I will never forgive you for what you did to me”
Or if you still feel like you have a right to revenge somehow, maybe by acting cruel or cheating later too – then you are not in the right mind to continue with the relationship.
It’s difficult to dream of a faithful marriage with someone who has already cheated on you.
If he/she is the one who confessed it’s better, but if you had to find out on your own then it will be hard to tell if your partner is really sorry for cheating or just sorry for being caught cheating.
You may choose to give it another chance, but if you choose to call it quits you are just as right and no one – not even yourself – has a right to think you were impatient in anyway.
If your partner can cheat on you before you are married, you are right to think he/she will do more when you are married.
vi) If your partner is abusive
If your partner is a boxer and you are the punch bag, then immediately call it quits.
A partner who can beat you when you are still dating can paralyze you when you are married. Walk away now when your legs still can.
Let me deepen my response to this question on how to recognise emotional abuse in a relationship…
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