LILY: I got married to the most caring man I could ever dream of. We were so happy Sir Moffat.
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Then one day my husband left for work as usual, but I didn’t know that was the last time I was going to see him. He was involved in a car accident and passed away that same day.
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I found myself a widow at twenty nine, and I kept asking myself why? Years have passed but I still think I need some advice on how to move on. How can I love again?
Hi Lily, the pain of losing a life partner is more than the pain of losing a parent. However, you just reminded me of how I lost my mum and dad.
It wasn’t an accident, but for each of them it was something just as sudden. It happened eight years apart, but both Dad and Mum fell sick and went to be with the Lord in less than a day.
Nowadays I smile when I write about it – the heart has an amazing way of healing up even without your attention.
Over years I found what really saddened me the most was not losing them, but how quickly it all happened.
Like I write in my other book Journey to the Center “what makes the losses of life difficult is that they catch us by surprise.”
Remove the element of surprise from your mind, tell yourself it’s common, and your loss will suddenly become something you can handle much better than before.
We all build our lives around the people we love. At first you strain to imagine a tomorrow without them. But I’ve learnt that, funny enough, you do move on and the heart does truly go on.
In fact, that I could go on after they were gone was the best thing I found by losing them.
Losing the people you love gives you the privilege to discover the deepest truth about yourself – it is the truth that you can go on, on your own, even when the whole world was to go away.
On the first day you may doubt it, but with time you soon learn it’s true. You are strong enough to stand on your own.
But Sir Moffat what happens to the pain? Does the pain die?
At times the pain doesn’t die, it only changes meaning.
Some losses in life – you don’t get over them, you just learn to live with the pain.
Today this pain makes me smile because it doesn’t remind me of what I lost – it reminds me how much I loved what I lost :).
I say give yourself some time to heal. You might not forget the pain entirely, but you will learn to live a normal life despite it. If you still doubt this, it’s because you really need more time.
It’s good to hear that you want to love again. Only take your time and make sure you will love when you are ready rather than love because you are lonely.
Decide to be happy again because happiness will lead you to the right place and right people in your life.
Sadness and sorrow won’t lead you to the right person, it will only lead you to the person you expect to bring you happiness.
About seven years down the marriage timeline your happiness will come down to the same level it was before you found the relationship.
Finding someone in your life will make you happy, but years from now you will only be as happy as the happiness you gave to yourself when you were still single.
If you can’t make yourself happy, no-one can keep you happy for long.
Otherwise for now all I can say is, take your time to learn how to spread your wings and fly.
If you lost someone you never thought you could, that shows you can still find someone you never thought you could find.
“I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this, I wish you love!” God bless you.
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