THABO: There is this pretty girl called Angela that I always knew growing up. One day I asked her out because I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore…
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I couldn’t forgive myself every time I saw her crying when her boyfriend shouted at her and cheated on her, when I knew I loved her so much and have always felt like this for a long time.
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… She turned me down – she said she can’t imagine us being more than just friends. I honestly respect her decision.
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However, what really hurts me is the kind of guys she keeps dating, and that they keep breaking her heart every time. Why is it this way, why do good girls find bad guys?
Hi, Thabo. I’m sorry it couldn’t work out between you and Angela – but I’m glad you have managed to respect her decision and told yourself you are moving on.
The fact that you love someone doesn’t mean that person will love you back. It hurts, but you just have to move on till you find yourself loving someone who loves you too. All the best to you…
Why does Angela keep finding bad guys? Well the first time you fall in love with someone who breaks your heart, it’s really not your fault – you are not the heartbreaker.
If it happens the second time, I don’t expect you to blame yourself either. But if it happens the third time then beware dear, you could be a magnet for bad people.
The reason bad people stay in our lives is because we let them stay. The last person on your mind when you are going to bed is the reason for your joy or your sorrow, for your hope or your despair, encouragement or discouragement.
If you are going to bed every day thinking about how that person has abused you and cheated on you – then you need to ask yourself how long you have kept them treating you that way.
Bad people stay because we let them stay. Most of the times we let them stay because we believe we can fix them…
i. Especially women! They like to play Mum to boys that they never gave birth to, and who came into their lives as already grown-up men.
If his Mum couldn’t change him, you will be deceiving yourself to think you can and wasting your precious lifetime if you try.
If changing yourself is so hard, why do you still think you can change people simply by loving them?
If you want to change someone, then you don’t love that person, you only love the person that you wish they could become.
If you want a good guy, then love a good guy – don’t waste your strength trying to turn bad guys into good ones. You are not their mum, and you are not a recycling machine.
ii. Sometimes girls love bad guys because they want to discover the side of life that is lacking in their own selves.
They say “curiosity killed the cat” but I’m sure curiosity has killed good girls more than anything else. (And at least cats have nine lives).
The saddest moment comes when you realize what you were missing out wasn’t worth the high price you paid to get it. What you were missing out were merely habits that you now have to pay more in order to break.
It’s sad how good people can so badly wish to have a life that they will soon wish they never had. Stay content. Be proud of being good!
iii. Bad guys are forbidden, and if you don’t believe women have a weakness for forbidden things, just remember Eve.
There is something adventurous about love and rebellion. “If loving you is wrong, then I rather be wrong” is what we stare into each other’s eyes and say.
But honestly, if loving someone is wrong, you don’t want to be wrong. The wrong guy will love you right, till the day he can’t stand pretending to be someone else to merely keep pleasing you.
Good girls find and keep bad guys mostly because they think they can fix them; they are curious about the “dark” world, or just that they love the secrecy and adventure that is found in doing the forbidden.
If you want to know more about bad guys every girl should avoid, check Question 52: What are the types of Men to Avoid Getting into Relationships with?
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