To women:
i) He says if you don’t give him sex then you don’t love him
Sex is NOT a sign of love. If sex was a sign of love then the most loving people would be prostitutes because they give sex to all men every day.
If sex was a sign of love he would be with those prostitutes, rather than be with you in the first place.
ii) He says sex will bring you closer.
Whoever said having sex is “making love” is a terrible liar. There is nothing that you give a person to make him love you.
Whether you give him sex or you give him babies, he will satisfy himself and move on to someone so fast you wonder how he did it.
He moves on so easily because you were never close and he never cared.
Moving on is easy only if you never cared.
iii) He gets angry if you deny him sex
If you ask him why he is angry he will say it’s because you are treating “us” like we are just brother and sister.
The truth is, it would be beautiful if your partner were to grow as close as a brother. He is angry because he doesn’t care about that entire grow-close thing – all he wants is sex.
He is frustrated because you are protecting what you have, and irritated because he can’t have it.
iv) He says your rejection devalues him
Just like I wrote in my book Life Capsules for Personal Growth.
“You are as valuable as the values you choose to keep.”
MOFFAT MACHINGURA | Life Capsules for Personal Growth
You are saying no because you want to keep your values. He is feeling devalued because your actions remind him how he is neglecting his own values.
He might not show it but deep inside he wishes he was like you. However, the easier thing for him is to make you like himself.
If you fall for him you will feel devalued – that’s because you would have devalued your values. You will only feel as valuable as the values you choose to keep.
v) Telling you that you once did it before
He is a seducer, and may even try to persuade you into believing that you both need it and he is here for you… as if he is your lifesaver.
As I wrote in the other book Life Capsules for Success,
“You are what you are not because of what you did, but because of what you keep doing.”
MOFFAT MACHINGURA | Life Capsules for Success
Don’t call me “loose” because I “loosened” myself yesterday; call me “loose” if I’m still loosening myself right now.
What you did cannot define you; it’s what you are doing that defines you. “You might have done what they said you did, but you are not who they say you are.”
You are a person of values; yesterday may not prove that but today does. Don’t give anyone permission to take advantage of your yesterday and use it to satisfy their own thirst.
To Men:
vi) Seduction
Many young men today are being pressured by their girlfriends into having sex.
Women pressure using seduction. She acts in subtle ways that make you want to have it, yet openly acts like she doesn’t want it.
After sleeping with her you will know she pressured you but if you retell the story no one will believe you.
That is why some girls fall pregnant and the boy says “I didn’t want to sleep with her, she tricked me.” He may marry her but never trust her.
Young men! Women can give you sex as a way to hook themselves on you. She knows when you have slept with her – she now has rights in your life that other women in this world don’t have. She has wife rights…
She has rights to your affection, attention, money and time. If you deny her attention she can even shout,
“You can’t sleep with me and ignore me, never!”
Or if she is a drama queen she screams,
“What? I said I need money for my hair! So all you know is sleeping with me? Are you crazy or what…?”
The truth is the day she drove herself into your life she already had all these benefits planned out in her mind. She knew sleeping with you was a way of hooking herself on you.
She makes it seem like you are the one who wanted sex – yet you actually wanted a clean relationship from the beginning only that she kept leading you on.
Your pastor may not understand this, neither does everyone else – but I want you to know I understand you.
She says you used her, everyone says you used her, but you know she is the one who used you. She is a sex prowler and a queen of seduction. Beware!
vi) They say you are not a man
If you are a young man who is still a virgin – beware of playing with girls who are “experienced.”
I know some girls will hate me for saying this – it’s because they only want me to speak bad about men and not speak bad about them too.
When a Virgin Guy dates an “Experienced” girl he must be very careful and vigilant. The truth is you are curious about sex because it has been a theory all your life.
And there is a part of you that thinks having sex will cross you over from being a boy to being a man, that’s a lie!
Sadly the “experienced girl” you are dating has already gone ahead of you, if you slacken your values – she will take advantage of your curiosity and use it to satisfy her thirst.
Once upon a time, she was as innocent as you are, but she fell into relationships which taught her habits that she is now finding hard to break.
She will ask you to touch her, to kiss her and she will make it very easy for you to sleep with her.
She will tell you “Come on, you are a man, it’s fun, be brave.”
She says it doesn’t kill but after you do it you shall find the strong and pure YOU has died.
You will find the time when you were a real man was when you were controlling yourself NOT to do it.
Don’t just be a Virgin; be Virgin and Vigilant.
If you are dating an “experienced” girl, give her a chance to show that her experiences were in the past and not in the present.
She must clearly show you she is now serious about life and now understands marriage is strengthened by purity.
There must be a difference between what happened and what is happening. But if you are feeling led to break your principles, then she is worth losing.
The truth is, in life, some people are worth losing. If you are a good man you are a good man and don’t be apologetic about it.
A good man is hard to find so don’t try to make it easy for women to find you. If she can’t live up to your sound values and principles drop her.
Because in being easy to find you also lose being good. Another word for “easy-to-find” is “loose”.
vii) She will say it’s normal, everyone is doing it
The truth is there is no such thing as normal and you are not everyone. The fact that everyone is doing something doesn’t make it a right thing to do.
I have met thousands of people in my life, read thousands of books, studied psychology for years and the Bible even longer (the Bhagavad Gita of the Hindus and other religious books too) – in all my travels and my learning I have never met any person who is “normal.”
Every person is different from the norm in his/her own way. If you are not different then you are not a person.
So if she says “it’s normal” tell her “I’m not normal and so aren’t you. We are not everyone, we are individuals.
I’ve got my values and principles that lead to success and happiness in my life, marriage and family – I’m not going to lose my future pursuing a “normality” that I know doesn’t exist.”
viii) She will threaten to cheat on you
I know a girl who fell in love with this good young man. The young man was very principled. He believed he had no right to touch or sleep with a woman he hadn’t married…
However, one day her girlfriend said if he keeps on refusing to touch her, she will find him a replacement… The young man was hurt by these words. He lost all trust in her.
So he wrote her a message “I truly loved you, but from what you said, I don’t think we can be together in the future.”
He gave her freedom to go be with any unprincipled man she wanted. Seeing how bad this could turn out, the girl cried and begged for forgiveness. Sadly, there is something that she never realized – that this threat had already weakened their relationship forever.
One day, when the young man was going back to college, he told her “We can’t be together anymore. I don’t think you can manage to wait for me especially now that I will be away.”
Her threat broke one of the most important parts of a relationship – Trust. If your partner threatens to cheat on you, he/she might actually do it.
Next Question…
