HAZEL: You see I have been with my boyfriend for one year now and we do have our ups and downs.
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My problem is we hardly see each other because of his work schedule hence the intimate part of our relationship is suffering. We don’t live together.
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I feel like we need to schedule our sex life. How do we deal with this? Please help.
I hope you are asking because you want a relationship that lasts.
You don’t want to be a girl who is dumped with a baby or forced to go for an abortion and all other dramas that can be easily avoided….
From the sound of your message, it seems you and your boyfriend only know each other sexually and socially you are strangers.
You are sleeping together, but you can’t even directly communicate a simple question such as “when can we do it?”
Already that should show you the weakness in your relationship is more social than sexual. Relationship means you are relating.
However, it seems you are sleeping together more than you are relating together. Yet the real purpose of dating or courtship is relating together rather than sleeping together.
Sexual connection slows down the growth of your social connection. I’m not worried about the sex life – I’m worried about the ups and downs.
The whole purpose of your first dating year was to know and learn to deal with those ups and downs – rather than try to “sex” yourselves out of them.
In fact, if he ever texts saying he misses you I wonder if it’s really you that he misses or it’s the sex.
For that reason, I’m sure the real problem in your relationship is not that you don’t have time for sex – the real problem is that you are having sex in the first place.
Instead of using the little time you have to have sex, I suggest you use it to get to know each other better. If you truly love someone, marrying is easy.
When you are sure about each other, commit and settle down together. Sex is so beautiful when married. For now just get to know each other better.
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