AMANDA: I was raped when I was a little girl and I vowed to myself to never get involved with any man in my life.
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But now as I’m growing older, curiosity never leaves me, especially when my friends talk about their love lives. I get carried away in longing.
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I’m longing to kiss a guy you know. To know how it feels like to be loved by someone. I do get in love with boys but whenever I’m about to kiss someone, that old picture (when I was raped) comes back to me and I always hold back… do you think there can be any solution for me?
Hello Amanda. You have gone through a rough patch in your past.
What you are going through right now is normal for any person who went through what you have gone through (whether man or woman).
I also want to stress that sex is precious and you still have a responsibility to keep it precious.
They touched your body but they didn’t touch your heart – you still have a virgin heart.
You still have a responsibility to hold sex precious because if you give it to a man who doesn’t deserve it – a man who dumps you after using or impregnating you – then it’s possible to lose all your faith in love and men altogether.
Above everything I want you to know there are good man out there.
If you use the advice I gave you in this book, you will definitely find your good man.
I say first find a good man who wants to be a friend and partner to you more than he wants to kiss you.
This is a person who will first understand all that you went through and still stand by you.
You have been failing to kiss your boyfriend because your soul hasn’t grown that close to him yet.
You were both rushing things, maybe because you are trying to keep pace with the relationship schedule your soap operas and Hollywood movies have shown you.
Not every man understands how to handle a woman who has gone through what you went through.
He must be gentle and considerate – and commitment must mean a lot to him if he is going to be worthy standing by you in this.
Even if you get married, sex may not appeal just that easily especially at the beginning (for some it can even be first years).
If he is a sex maniac, or a man who is already demanding sexual favours right now, then he might not make it in the first or second year of your marriage.
However, don’t get it twisted… If done at the right time with the right person, love is a beautiful thing and so is sex.
What you have to do now is remove that vow you made…
Stop saying you don’t want a man. There is no need to punish yourself for the crimes of another human being. Instead from today onwards start telling yourself:
“I will love a good man, I will wed in a beautiful dress, I will enjoy my God-given gift of sex and not even my past can steal it from me!”
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