PETER: I dated a girl, Sandy, and within three days we had sex and she fell pregnant. Even if the baby is really mine. Is it taking a risk to consider her for marriage, isn’t she a loose girl?
Hi Peter. You are going through what every guy who sleeps with a girl outside of marriage goes through – you just feel like she is a loose girl and your trust for her is lost.
About whether Sandy is loose or not… I say you are both the same. You both have slept with someone on day three. You both pulled down your pants to strangers – you were strangers to each other.
Her mistakes are NOT worse than yours simply because she is a woman.
Character is the mental muscle to control impulses. When you feel like using the toilet seat, you wait till you get home, you don’t mess yourself in public. That is character.
When you are hungry you don’t start biting and licking the brick wall, instead you calm yourself down and wait for food. That is character; it is the psychological muscle to control impulses.
When you feel like having sex you wait till you get to the wedding altar. That’s character.
You don’t do things just because you feel like doing them. You prepare the right moment and place for doing what you feel like doing – whether it’s eating, urinating or sex. It’s called character.
Falling into bed with someone on day three should clearly show you that you both need a character makeover.
You are living an impulsive lifestyle – and just like impulsive buying – it is wasteful and will result in you having things that you wish you hadn’t.
A person without character lives a very complicated life.
If you think you are a good man who made a mistake to sleep with a woman on day three, the truth is it’s possible she is a good woman too.
I don’t want you to judge her in anyway harsher than you judge yourself – because you will be deceiving yourself.
I say lay the pregnancy pressure aside and take time to know her. We marry for love and character – we don’t marry for babies.
Don’t be forced by circumstances and society into marrying someone before you have fully known their character and personality.
However, the moment you have a baby life stops being all about you. You should also remember to support the child because you have a responsibility now.
But since you are not yet married, your main responsibility is to the child more than anyone else.
If I was to sit down with both of you, I would truthfully tell you that having a baby together doesn’t guarantee happiness in marriage.
I ask that both of you lay aside the pressure from society and take time to think deeply on whether you really can be happy together.
Every relationship or marriage has a hundred percent chance of being successful if it’s taught and follows the right principles.
I really wish you could be together Peter and Sandy – I just don’t want you to think you are together for the sake of the baby.
I would like you to take time to look at each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and also observe the love connection that lies between you – and marry each other solely based on that.
You have helped each other get into this mess, and if you are willing you can help each other to get out of it. Just don’t help each other dig deeper into it. I wish you the best.
To girls: When a guy sleeps with you outside of marriage he loses all respect for you. He sees you as a loose woman and all the trust he had, suddenly vanishes into thin air. While women marry for love, men marry for trust.
The more you give a man sex before marriage, the lesser the chances of him marrying you. He goes on to marry someone else and you will wonder “why?” after all you gave him.
It’s because he would have lost trust, and men marry for trust rather than love.
You gave him sex because you loved him. You slept with him because you wanted him to stay. But that’s exactly what made him go away.
It’s strange how we can so fear to lose someone to an extent that we actually do. It’s unfair but it’s real. Be wise, keep your legs closed. “Love don’t cost a thing.”
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