Here is the fifth quality of a good woman…
5. The Hospitality Test
Rebekah was given to hospitality. Here most women are tested and fail – but a woman is not a woman unless she can care.
Women become mothers – and the saying “as soft as the mother’s touch” shows tenderness cannot be strained from a woman and still be left with motherhood.
A good woman cares.
Here are three (3) qualities of true heartfelt hospitality, they help you know whether she really cares?
i. How does she respond to desperate people?
The Bible says the servant “ran” to meet Rebekah and asked for water. He wanted to seem desperate, that is why he ran. This made him observe how she responds to desperate people.
Non-caring people exploit rather than assist desperate people. If Rebekah was an uncaring woman she was going to do like some women we might have heard of,
“We exchange old chap, you give the jewels I give you water…”
But Rebekah cared more for the stranger’s life than for his possessions. She was not a gold-digger! Gold diggers love you for what you have, but not for who you are.
Non-caring people turn their backs when they see desperate people. They pretend not to notice somebody is broke, going hungry or struggling with an urgent situation.
ii. How quickly does she help?
How you help is as important as what you help with. If your service is from the heart you will serve quickly. People who snail pace to serve you are simply showing that deep within, they don’t want to serve at all.
Bring me water when I can still feel the thirst.
Serve the food when the mouth is still watered.
Quick service is the main sign that you are truly willing to be caring.
iii. Does she take the extra mile?
A person of hospitality goes an extra mile. She delivers beyond the request. The old man asked Rebekah for a little drink. He never talked to her about the camels.
But she took an extra mile, went beyond the request; watered and fed the camels.
Desperate people ask for little, because they don’t want to bother. True hospitality gives more than a little; it wants to give until it feels bothered.
If you ask a woman for a glass of water and she doesn’t offer you a second one – she served you from a murmuring heart.
In church, if she is asked to wipe the pulpit, and the pulpit becomes the only thing that she wipes, she was not willing to wipe even the pulpit itself.
If her service is from the heart, she will feel led to polish even two or three more things that relate to the pulpit. It could be the front chair. She will just do it without thinking, because she is willing.
A good person will always help people an extra mile because deep within them is a heart of hospitality that compels them to extra care.
6. Diligence Test
Match.com says 73% of women lose their relationships for being lazy. ̶ Newsweek
When a man sees that a woman is a lazy, always-in-bed-and-dinner-table type of woman, he walks away. He knows the only thing she gets up and gets out for is shopping. Such a woman is a liability, not an asset to the marriage relationship.
Surely, wedding the always-in-bed type of woman is just the same as throwing a welcome party for poverty.
If you survive being poor yourself, then it is your children who definitely will be – they spend more time with her than you do, she will teach them the lazy culture that she has invented.
Camels don’t finish drinking. When camels have drunk enough they start drinking to fill the humps in their backs – for water storage purposes. In other words few tasks are as difficult as watering the camels.
But Rebekah watered not one camel but ten – well grown and well-travelled thirst tanker camels. She was a diligent woman.
If you are not employed, at least spend some of your time at a voluntary orphanage or animal shop somewhere. Be up to something. Make yourself useful. Don’t be lazy, hate laziness.
Laziness causes a person to always sleep, and an idle soul shall suffer hunger.
PROVERBS 19:15, KJV simplified
By much laziness, the building decays, and through laziness of the hands the roof starts dripping.
ECCLESIASTES 10:18 KJV simplified
If you want to conquer laziness once and for all, search your bible for all the verses that have the keywords lazy, idle, slothful, diligence etc. Read them meditatively, they will save from one of the most destructive vices of all – laziness.
7. The Elder Generation Testifies of Her.
The Bible doesn’t forget to mention that Abraham sent his “oldest” servant to seek for Isaac’s wife. This shows that when it comes to matters of the heart, you need as mentally and wisely advanced advisors as you can possibly find.
Finding a wise advisor in love will start you off at a great advantage!
Heartbreak-love runs away from elders and consults peers (like in the Heartbreak Café of Amnon and Tamar).
True love on the other hand, will run away from friends to consult elders (this is close to this successful Isaac and Rebekah story).
In verse 26, the old man was so convinced of Rebekah’s good character that he bowed to his knees and worshipped the Almighty God.
What do adults say about you? What do the adults say about the woman you want to marry? Do they mention good, caring, God-loving…?
Or it is only your friends who see the “goodness”?
If a girl is bad, adults may not directly say it at times. Keywords to note are being told to “wait,” “give it some more time” or they tell you “you are not ready yet.” These are all warning signs that should help you see that you about to cross a red traffic light.
Yes, sometimes adults make mistakes, but “sometimes” is not “all the times.” Listen to adults because most times they know what is right. Believe me, most times they are right about what is right for you – they see through their own mistakes and successes.
I know you may want to dispute that with the most popular phrase of this generation,
“I am different. I am me they are them.”
To tell you the truth, in life we are all more alike than we are different. If we were more different than we were alike, we would not manage to share the same world.
So if you don’t apply the right principles they tell you and those written in this book, their failures can be your failures too. But if you apply these principles well, you will find your true love and escape the Heartbreak Café. You will have kissed heartbreak goodbye.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD shall be praised.
PROVERBS 31:30
Do the adults praise and speak well of her?
If so. Then that is likely a good person – rare to find, easy to respect and worthy to cherish.
To women: Meditate on the following Biblical verses over and over again. Internalize it until your personality conforms to it and it will not be long… Proverbs 31:10-31… You shall be praised.
The next point is the most important of all…
8. She is willing to go
This reminds me of an old 90s African song.
Follow me
If you love me,
If you love me,
MaMoyo follow me
SONG: MAMOYO LEAN ON ME
It is a story of a young man who truly loved MaMoyo his girlfriend, so he was sending his marriage proposal. “If you love me, then marry me and let us settle down.”
Today we have a never-married type of woman among us. All she wants is the money, the drinks and the dance. As soon as the money gets spent, she seeks a new love bird…
You cannot marry her because she is still (and always will be) “preoccupied with many things at the moment” – that is what she says. If you deny her your money she knows how to be as soft as a cat purring pitifully on your chest.
She is dangerous because she kills and she cries. She kills your time, your heart, and doesn’t mind killing the unborn foetus just to stay forever young. She cries when you find out the truth and describe her as a “prostitute in disguise.”
She is a cat woman; she has got razor sharp nails to pounce on her prey. If by stroke of grace you manage to slip off her entangling manipulative tongue and go on to marry someone else, you still have to beware of those sharp nails.
She will not give up making you believe she really loved you, and she will not stop convincing your wife you are still going out together – even though it is long since you broke up.
She will still call you in the middle of the night, and tell you she is ill and stressed and at least you must show that you care. She is the never-married woman!
She is dangerous, even the worst among guys would flee from her.
Loving a never-married woman is pounding your heart on the rocks. Not only is it a waste of time and wealth, it is also a heartbreak guarantee.
Soon she will be hanging on the arms of another dancing partner, and you will be watching as they dance across the Heartbreak Café ballroom. It will not be long, she will be out of sight.
All you will be left with are tears falling in your now empty wine glass – held in your trembling hand. You suddenly realize you are afraid, afraid to love again.
A heartbreak is not a condition to play with. The pain of a broken heart quickens the pulse rate in your temples, and you mistake the tears running through your nose for a nosebleed.
And if this is all that happens to you then thank God, you would not have got the worst of it. For some people; colossal heartbreaks such as these sweep by with a nervous breakdown or suicide.
The purpose of this book is to help you find real love and escape the Heartbreak Café. You can avoid being a Heartbreak Café citizen or divorce statistic. You can find your true love.
So this is one of the secrets: Love a woman who wills to get married. It must be in her life agenda that no-matter how busy life may get, she will make quality time to marry, settle down and have a family of her own.
The same applies to women. Women, never love a man who doesn’t want to settle down. Love a man who prioritizes family and love in his daily agenda.
Rebekah was asked if she wanted to get married – and guess what? Yes, Rebekah wanted to get married!
True love always wants to settle down. It doesn’t want to try. True love always wants to marry. If she keeps turning marriage down, or delaying family through various excuses, or ignoring the whole matter – let her go.
Don’t endanger your heart or waste your time giving your all for nothing. “Love is a waste of time if it’s only one way.”
To women too; if a man sees a future with you; somehow, he just can’t hide it. He will say it somehow even in the first three months of dating. Yes he will sound pushy, it’s because commitment exists in his mindset. Beware of a man who doesn’t seem to think of marriage.
Somewhere close by, the man who truly loves you enough to settle down with you is watching, but he cannot snatch you from another man’s arms. He is simply believing he is late, and calls himself the worst fool for having delayed.
He doesn’t know you are in love with a player, a time waster. Walk away because after the game is over you will find you were the game and you are the one who is over.
Even if you think you love him, it is meaningless if his love back to you is unreal and so untrue. Love the marrying type dearest, and you will have kissed heartbreak goodbye.
9. The Beauty Test
Love someone who is attractive to you.
Though not all that glitters is gold, all gold must shine.
After prioritizing the above eight, don’t forget that even Rebekah was a very pretty woman. She was so pretty that even the old men wished they were young.
In fact, the name Rebekah is a Hebrew term meaning “beauty that chains” you to a single spot. Meaning Rebekah had a transfixing beauty.
The church has been anti-beauty for quite a long time. The main perception being that beauty on the outside depicts ugliness on the inside. However, this is not always the case. In the Bible there is not even one woman who is said to have been ugly – Sarah the mother of nations was still pretty even after menopause, so was Rachel, Esther and Ruth.
The Bible also speaks of handsome men like Moses and David that God used mightily.
Beauty doesn’t always mean bad. God made beauty. Beauty is a God given talent.
However, like any other talent, beauty can lead to pride and pomposity. This is why it is normally the attractive people who fall into temptation early in life. They can also be scarce in church, disobedient to laws of God.
They carry a certain feeling of superiority over others with them, that feeling is called pride and it has destroyed many celebrities. Many celebrities quit church because of that feeling. Many cannot be advised on their marriages because of that. Consequently, they divorce highly.
A pretty woman must not think she is at an advantage over other women. This is because the cutest are normally the most vulnerable; every man and player notices her.
Above all, beauty is relative. The person who seems ugly to you, is giving another person sleepless nights somewhere in this world. No-matter who or what you are – always know this: somebody keeps day-dreaming of you.
However, also note that there is a difference between being pretty and being sexy. Beauty makes someone like you, but being sexy makes someone want to sex you.
If you dress to be sexy, you are simply attracting the wrong kind of person. You can be attractive without being sexually suggestive. Sadly, you can see from the way they dress that some women want attention more than they want respect.
How you dress determines who addresses you. Your dressing is your self-presentation. Your self-presentation creates an impression.
The impression you make on a man’s mind will determine his intention when he approaches you. A man always tells at first glance whether he wants you for a long-term commitment or just a short run fling.
The first impression that you make on a man will determine his mission in your life. Dress to look pretty and not sexy, the most painful thing in life is to give your best to a man who only sees you as a sex object.
To Men: Love a woman who is attractive to you. Beauty inspires. Beauty strengthens you.
10. The Virginity/Purity Test
A strong love will be built on purity. Love with an impure and hidden past hardly develops trust.
In my next book Shh! its Girl Talk! I mention studies that are showing us that
“Women with 6 or more premarital sexual partners are almost 3 times LESS LIKELY to be in a stable marriage.”
In other words, the more people you sleep with before marriage the less your chances of finding a stable happy marriage.
That shows your sexual activity before marriage affects your happiness in marriage. If this is happening in a sexually liberal nation like the United States, how worse is the effect in conservative nations like Africa and Asia!
In the 1960s, United States liberalised sex and even called it the American pie. However, its just a couple of decades down the line they are beginning to notice devastating effects of such an ill-disciplined sex culture.
Their studies are further revealing that,
Women who lost their virginity as teenagers are more than twice as likely to get divorced in the first 5 years of marriage.
That means, early sexual indulgence is a harbinger of divorce. Getting involved in sexual activity early in life, and getting involved in sexual activity multiple times before marriage, reduces your chances of finding a stable happy marriage later in your life.
If you are reading this while in Africa, I advise you to follow your noble values of No Sex Before Marriage. Don’t just follow the American values blindly, the current American civilisation is only six hundred years old.
It hasn’t fully developed and refined its value systems; it’s still learning from its own mistakes. But the African civilisation has been here for thousands and thousands of years, most parts of your value systems are more refined and much more suitable for living together in this world.
Don’t be deceived. If your virginity wasn’t important, you would have been born without it.
Why have people been fooled so much as to believe virginity isn’t important?
We have seen through the past chapters that valuing abstinence and virginity is very important in building a strong happy relationship. And we also saw how relationships that delay sex grow stronger over time. But how come we had been fooled so much into trivializing virginity?
There are three reasons…
i. Covetously, men have said virginity is not important so that girls may get easier to penetrate.
As long as a woman is made to believe that she has nothing valuable between her legs, then she feels she is a fool to keep them closed. Women who believe that deception then pull down their values and principles.
However, this is like pulling down a wall. Women may feel liberated, but in actual case they are simply more vulnerable to the male pink panther.
ii. Ignorantly, we have underestimated the importance of virginity.
As I earlier said, if virginity was not important we would have been born without it.
Just like Esau who lost his firstborn birth right for a bowl of soup (because he ignorantly despised the importance of a birth right) some of us in this generation are losing a once in a lifetime proof of purity for a few seconds in sexual climax. Virginity comes only once in a lifetime. Give it to the right person.
iii. Foolishly, we thought virginity should be for women only.
Everyone should learn to be self-controlled. Self-control is a necessity if we want to escape the Heartbreak Café. Be self-controlled, and always seek someone who is self-controlled.
To further understand this virginity issue check out Question #19 Is Virginity Important? in Part Two Section of this book.
* * *
As young milk scented lambs attract grey wolves, so does purity attract its hunters. Today virgins should be listed among the most endangered species. They are being hunted unto extinction. Take care of yourself, and know the world is not fair. Keep your heart diligently. Keep your heart to keep your life. You deserve the best of life.
But what if I have already lost my virginity? Then you gain nothing worrying over what can never be found. Like we said in chapter three, if you have lost your virginity then keep your purity.
It is easy for God to forgive you, the real hard thing could be forgiving yourself. But you have to forgive yourself.
Forgiveness is among God’s best love gifts to humanity, it is also among the best love gifts you can give to others and to yourself. Forgive yourself.
Refer to the Question #19 Is Virginity Important? to understand more…
Let’s move on to section 2 of this book. This section explores The Best 100 Questions and Answers on Love Relationships…
